After much consternation during the past season, the issue that has rocked the inner city club to its very core is set to be tabled as an agenda item for the upcoming annual general meeting; Will the Royal Park Reds persist with their pie warmer in the 2017/2018 season? Despite varying levels of success, the pie warmer has remained a fixture of the club rooms at Poplar after appearing mysteriously in Round 5 2017. A club insider initimated that the infrastructure was not long for it at the end of the season despite being home to Jesse Free's home made sausage rolls for a Tuesday night AFL sevens fixture. 'It's been nothing short of a kerfuffle' insider said. 'When it got dropped off we figured it might save us from wandering over to the Golf club when we had a hangover and hold on to some more dollars but the blasted thing conked out in five minutes.' The cooking aparatus was the culprit in a shorting out of the clubs electricity on more than one occasion. Club elders remember a eerily similar scenario in the early 1990's, whereby the procurement of a pie warmer lead hygiene standards to plummet and junior cricketers diets to emulate their heros. The insider went on to say that the stand off was between the club top brass and the players love off a pre-game four n twenty. 'There's a few Reds that reckon its a cracker of an idea, tucking into a Dogs eye before rolling the arm over. But nobody wants to look after the thing.' 'The players seem to be missing the point that this is a pie warmer, not a pie cooker' The state of the food inhabiting the pie warmer was of concern. The current Playing Coach was ambivilant but served up a warning to his playing roster. 'Look, this is a matter for the commitee to sort out. I'm more concerned about pie chuckers at this point, and given some of Caspar Zikas bowling stats, there's more than a few being thrown' 'As long as our players look after their diet by not eating something that's going to have them running off the ground every five minutes I don't care what they eat. I don't think I'm setting a particularly high bar, but with some of our players, you just don't know.'
'There's a few Reds that reckon its a cracker of an idea, tucking into a Dogs eye before rolling the arm over. But nobody wants to look after the thing.'
The message from the Club President was clear 'One thing I've learned in years of playing at this club is that we, as a group, do not have the faculty to manage a pie warmer' Pie affectionado and Aussie legend Shane Warne threw his support behind the pie warmer. 'Do you think I bowled the Gatting Ball from Kale and Quinoa smoothies? Please, give me a spell. I'd make sure I had one before each spell, inserting the sauce into the middlle of the pie and scoffing it down at fine leg.' Warney went on to offer insights into his relationship with the tasty pastry 'Andy Bichel got the temperature just right. He managed to run them out once they'd had time to cool so I could bash it in the gob and smash it.' 'If I hadn't had Andy Bichel so well trained on pie duty, he might have played a few more tests' The optemisim from club members seems warmer than the unit itself that currently sits outside the Poplar Club Rooms waiting to be plugged in. 'Yeah, it'll be grouse!' a rusted-on member said in November upon the arrival of the kitchen equipment. 'We'll use it to turn a profit!' Club Treasurer Caterine McLeish was less enamoured with the units performance, 'F#$% the F#$%ing pie warmer' While the future of the pie warmer is uncertain, grave fears are held for the career of the clubs beer fridge. The 2nd XI 2017 Semi Final win was the last occasion the three door fridge actively chilled a beverage. 'She's a tank' a Club amentiy officer said. 'Really owes us nothing, seeing as we got her for free. But if she's carked it then I just don't see how we can function next season' A 1st XI player has said off record that he won't be playing if there isn't cold beverages available next season. 'To me it's simple; hot days need cold drinks. If you can't manage the basics of reward for effort then I'll start to look for a club that can manage to chill a stubby down.' The Prez seemed unfased when this was put to him, 'Bugger me, we get this sort of crap each season. We'll get some mate of a mate to fix it on the cheap and get back to the real business; complaining about the range of hipster craft beers in the fridge and who's going to skipper the 4ths' The Royal Park Reds AGM is taking place at The Great Northern Hotel on the 28th of June at 6.30pm Amendment: The fridge got serviced and fixed by the Club Treasurer